By Blood and By Love

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I know I can live without you

But without you, I’d be miserable at best..

What I mentioned above is what I want to say to my father.  I know I can live without him, simply because, I can still breathe. But without him, my life would not be happy. I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead. It’s like I lose my first love, my bestfriend and my defender.

I can really say I’m blessed. I have these two extraordinary men in my life. My “Daddy” and my “Papa”. Maybe you’re wondering why I have two fathers. The reason is my Daddy works abroad with my mother and my Papa stays with me. For me, a father is not only the man who is related to you by blood. For me, a man can be a father by love.

Honestly, I’m more close to my papa rather than my daddy maybe because I spend more days with my papa. I love them equally. I’m so lucky to have them. Though sometimes, they over react to the things I’ve done and scold me, I know it’s for me. I grew better because of them.

“Mon”—that’s what others call my daddy. He’s been in abroad for many years. He goes home every six months. I’ve got my name from his name, Emmanuel P. Bendo. He is very kind but expect him to be like a dragon when he’s angry. Whenever I look at my neck and see my mole, I remember him. We both have a mole on our neck. I remember our similarities. Just like my father, I don’t easily fall asleep. Just like him, I keep quiet when I’m angry. And I can say, I got my talkativeness from him. But I don’t look like him. I’ve got my appearance from my mother.

My papa, on the other hand, acts like my father and mother when my parents are not around. He is the one waking up early to prepare all the things I need before I go to school. He’s very industrious. Though not related by blood, he loves me the way I am. I know I’m stubborn. I always give him problems. But still, he understands me. Though sometimes, he says things that hurt my feelings, I don’t have a choice but to accept it. Maybe he’s just tired. Tired of taking care of me, tired of understanding me. But I’m happy to have him.

But sometimes, a thought bothers me. I kept on asking myself if they were happy to have me. I’m not the best daughter after all. Sometimes, I even answer back to them. I know they were quite disappointed with my studies especially my daddy. He’s been expecting that I would be on top 1 last year. I can’t blame them from expecting a lot from me. But I just want them to remember that even the best falls.

Words can't express how thankful I am for having them. At the same time, I’m sorry for all the heartaches I’ve caused them. I don’t know how to pay all their sacrifices that’s why I study a lot. All my achievements are for them. They are my wings—the reason why I soar up high. With them, I feel secured. With them, I’m blessed. And I’m happy that they are the one who raised me up. They are my heroes. I can’t stop them from getting older. But when they’re already old, I promised to stay by their sides. Finishing my studies is not enough to pay all their sacrifices. I guess, loving them is the best thing I can do.

I dedicate this song to my fathers. I may not always say I love you to both of you, but always remember, you're part of my heart, forever and always. ♥ Thank you very much for raising me up. Thank you for giving me a chance to become "Ejay".