Think First

BLOG #1 SECOND GRADING

It’s 9 o’clock in the evening and I’m still here in this dark place. I vociferated a lot but no one seems to hear me. I’m too lost to be found.

 My name is Jared. I admit I’m a knave. I’m a rambunctious student. Nobody likes me. I’d been into affrays and all this time, I’m the loser. In fact, I didn’t even have a rapport with my family after a serious incident. When I was 11 years old, they found out that I have rheumatic heart disease. My mother became depressed after knowing about my illness and she died. And after that incident, I was always blamed by my father.

My father always scolds me and this time, I can’t take it anymore. Earlier, my little sister and I were playing badminton inside our house and I accidentally hit our chandelier. After 3 years, he can’t still forget what happened to my mom. The words that came out of his mouth hurt me a lot. I never felt that we were consanguineous. I can’t accept the fact that my own father by blood and by flesh tears my heart like this. He never had time for me. He was too busy working.

That’s why I ran away. And now I’m stuck in this cemetery with my grungy clothes. I’m not that brave after all. When I was still a child, I hate horror movies. I always run to my mother and hug her tight whenever I dream about hag-like women who wear their babushkas. I always go to my mother’s tomb whenever I feel bad. In fact, she had a pseudonym for me – Red. I miss my mother a lot. Her laugh was the best sound I ever heard. Though my little sister is garrulous, there was never a time that my mom asked her to be fainéant. That’s why I love my mom very much. My mother’s love for me is enow. I never felt ennui when she’s by my side.

I want to be with her. I need to be with her. In fact, I just have 2 months left. The doctor told me that my disease got worst. I read the results of my tests and clearly, it is not faitour. I will die soon. Having two more months to live is piffle. I don’t need it anymore. No one will care if I die today.

I am now holding the haft of my dagger. Before ending my life, I thought of my little sister. I hope she’ll be fine. I hope she’ll not be as coward as her brother is. I hope she’ll remember mom’s apothegms. Sorry little sister, I can’t take it anymore. I was about to kill myself when my mother’s wraith appeared. She told me not to end my life that way. “The Lord has plans for you my son. Struggles are there to make you stronger. Many people love you. You are not alone in this bumpy ride called life. Just be true to yourself and reach your dreams. Everything will be fine. Your father loves you. He just want you to learn things. Go back home my son. I love you..”

BLAG! I fell from my bed. It was a dream! I slept after crying for a long time. My mom is right, my father loves me. And after that dream, I stood up and went to my father’s office. I asked for forgiveness and gladly he forgave me. He hugged me tight and he said sorry for the things he had said. Mom is right, I shouldn’t end my life because there’s many people that need me.

Two months had passed, I’m still alive. My condition is getting better. I thank God for giving me another chance to live. I promised him that I will never try to commit suicide again. Life is the most precious gift he had given to me.